Do you ever feel a lack of self worth? Do you ever feel that you need to be doing more? These questions have been bothering me for days now. I'm a stay at home mom as I have an 11 month old and there was never any doubt that I would always stay home with our children. I stayed home with our 12 year old and 10 year old until they started school. God blessed me with a job that I could do out of my home at that time. It was a great job and allowed me to be home with both kids until Kyle started school. After that I subbed and volunteered at their school almost every day and then became a parapro during Kyle's 3rd grade year and Katie's last year at the Elementary School. What more could any mom ask for? God knew where my heart was and knew how much I loved being with my kids. The following year God blessed us with Ella and once again I was able to stay home with her. I love being at home and having that special time with my children. I love being able to pick up Kyle from school and Katie from cheerleading. I love being able to go to school functions. I love having the house clean and supper cooked when Tim gets home from work (well not every day). All of this is so important to me. I wouldn't want it any other way, but I feel like I need to do more. I feel like I need to be bringing in an income to help with all of the expenses. I feel as if I'm not doing my part. Am I a horrible person for feeling this way as God has so blessed me with the ability to stay home. I just feel so guilty when I need to buy clothes or when I grab lunch out. Those of you who stay home do you ever feel this way? Let me just say Tim doesn't make me feel this way, he is wonderful! He encourages me to do things for myself and wants me to stay home. What a great husband God has blessed me with!!
As I was praying this morning I asked God to give me something that I could do that wouldn't take much time away from my kids, but that would give me a little extra money and help me feel like I was doing my part. Well almost immediately a friend of mine called wanting me to come to a Mary Kaye meeting to learn about selling Mary Kaye. She just started about two months ago and loves it. Well I love Mary Kaye products, but I hate parties. She said she did to and has never done one. Well that sounded great to me. If I could sell the products without doing parties, how awesome would that be.
Dont get me wrong in all of this because I know what I do is important to GOD. I know I'm doing what God wants me to do, but is it so bad to want to do more. Is it so bad to want to earn my own money and maybe get to spend time with others. I just want to please my Heavenly Father above all. I love you girls and knew that I could come to you for words of wisdom and encouragement.
The Story is Mine to Tell
7 years ago
8 comments:
I'm not a stay at home mom, but I am a stay at home wife. I have a part time job that I do on Mondays & Tuesdays. So that helps some. Kevin is great too. I just wished I could keep my house in order for him. However I am doing better with it.
Just do what is in your heart. God knows whats best for you. And he will take care of it.
Lacey H
Angela, I so struggle with this from time to time. I think I've weighed every possible side and analyzed every possible scenario. I think I go through phases. I know that Brad & I are in agreement about me staying home with the kids, and God has always supplied all of our needs and even a lot of our (more my) wants. But, I do feel guilty about it sometimes. Sometimes, I feel guilty about what I get accomplised at home during the day (or what I don't). And, sometimes, it is guilt over wanting "such and such" for the house or "so and so" for the kids. Other times, it is guilt about having a desire to have grown up conversation. Although, One of the things that has helped that is being involved in a bible study or just something that gets you out of the house and with adults on a regulary scheduled basis.
I think what you described is fairly normal for all stay at home moms, and we all should lift each other up in prayer that God would show us that what we do is important (doing the dishes doesn't always seem so). And, that if He desires for us to have income that he would provide the perfect situation that would we could keep our family as the first priority.
Thanks for the post, it helped me feel "normal", but Tammy Hil says that normal is just a setting on the dryer. :) And, she's right!!
PS- Brad has never been the cause of my guilt either, I think it just goes along with the "mom" job description.
PSS- My sister that lives in Macon just started selling Mary Kay and she is enjoying it.
I love that "normal" is just a setting on the dryer. Where does Tammy come up with that stuff?
I think that what you are feeling is very typical(notice I didn't say normal). I know that the Prov. 31 woman (I can't find her in modern day society 'cause she's perfect)-cared for the home and sold her goods to help provide for the family. There's absolutely nothing wrong (if you are led) with earning an extra income.
My own personal battle with that is that I tend to start letting my extra income take over my life. Somewhere, way back when I remember reading something in a book about a lady that did take extra jobs from time to time. She said that she and her husband agreed on what the income was for (say "a remodel project" or a "four wheeler" for the kids). Once it was paid for, her job would end. They never wanted to depend on her income for everyday expenses. She needed to be available to stay at home if necessary. Just a thought. Does my job work like this? No-probably because my selfish, worldly self wants more stuff...LOL. But I do think it's a good way of looking at it. The MK thing sounds good because you won't have to leave Ella. Maybe, you could agree with Tim that this is for extra spending money for you and the kids, but don't use it for everyday expenses.
I work part time 3 days a week while our children are in school. It has helped us. I'm at home with Jay when he's not at preschool. I think staying home is harder than most working mom's realize. You do constantly fight the guilt monster...and I still can't get it all done!!!!
Absolutley, what you are feeling is very typical!! And, I can't take credit for the "normal" comment, that goes to my dad, but I do love it. :) Angela, read my latest post and you will see what my life is. :) Staying at home is a full time job and while we may not get a monthly check, we will get a much greater reward in the end. I have to remind myself that guilt is not from the Lord. We are contributing to our families more than we realize!
Angela,
I'm not a mom (except to Nipper) and I don't get to stay home....but I can understand what you are feeling.
Sometimes the devil just wants to make us feel guilty over the blessings God has given us. You are blessed to get to stay home with your kids and blessed to have Tim who wants that for you and your kids. We see your heart and know that you are greatful for that blessing.
You could give the MK a shot (after all that stuff sells itself) and use that money for fun things for you and your family. Things you want or things that you can do together.
If you don't do parties (I'm with you...I would hate that)...do get involved with something with the girls...like the bible study or just hanging out...so you have some adult interaction and girl time with your sisters.
Love,
Tammy
I think having these kinds of feeling is very normal and I think it is perfectly ok to pray for a job. I believe God wants to give us the desires of our heart and He knows your heart.
Just so you know I am the queen of guilt. I carry it with me way to often. Satan knows that my family is my weekness and this is where he hits me the hardest.
I pray that Mommy's everywhere will be releast from guilt. As Tammy said guilt is not from God.
I am available to babysit anytime for MK or the bible study, especially.
I guess you get the guilt thing from me. That is why I have always worked so hard so I would feel that I contributed my part and to have extra money for fun things.
Don't be too hard on yourself. God doesn't mind you being at home with your kids. The sacrifice sometimes is extra things we don't need but want. If I had a million I would give you half. I guess you will have to settle for lots of love until I get my million.
Love you
Mom
Angela,
From personal experience and judging from the other comments - guilt is part of every woman's life - whether stay at home or working mom or no children at all. The only problem with that is it is from the enemy. God doesn't want you to feel guilty - especially not for staying home and raising your children - the very ones He blessed you with.
I struggle with the same issue - should I work to contribute - but honestly - it comes from my wordly desires of wanting more stuff! God has provided Kurt with a job that provides for our needs - it's when we start wanting more stuff that we really don't need that the confusion and guilt comes in to play.
I agree that the bible study helps - it puts you in a place where you can exercise the discipline to be in the word on a (fairly) regular basis - to hear from God and know what he wants for you. Being around other women, having adult conversation, sharing our joys as well as our trials and troubles and realizing that we are not alone - it is so valuable.
You are doing a great work - it just doesn't come with a salary.
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